Blog: M.E. myself and I, "How baffling that I’m happy with my lot"

https://the-slow-lane.com/2021/04/11/happy-with-my-lot/

"I seem to baffle some people, because I’m upbeat despite my situation; a situation that they deem to be the absolute pits.

Some don’t know what to do with me because of my attitude. I don’t fit with their preconceived idea that people with chronic illness just need to be more positive; that a change in attitude is all that stands between people and good health.

I’m already positive and upbeat and happy."

 

I was pleased that Anna ended the blog by saying: “Please know that this is my take on my own life with my own set of circumstances and symptoms. It will vary dramatically from others. None is right or wrong. No person can ever really comment on whether or not another person should be happy or sad about a certain situation. Of course it all comes and goes as any feeling or emotion tends to do. But for the most part I am so happy with my lot.”

Very true – and similar to what I started writing in response before I’d actually read the blog!

I think I might have come to terms with my limited physical and mental capacity if I could feel reasonably well by staying within my limits. I’m sure I would still have been exceedingly frustrated at times but I could imagine that I might have been able to find a level of contentment that I might have described as happiness, at least for long enough to write that I was happy. The difficulty for me, and one I have wrestled with almost constantly since I became unwell in 1992, is that I never feel well or comfortable enough to feel content. I find satisfaction in achieving things, like writing and helping others in small ways, and in spending time with those I love, but such pleasures do not obscure the constancy of my physical discomfort. They help to sustain me, and give me a reason to go on, but without some hope of improvement, however faint or diminishing, I don’t know that I would still be here. That is why I, like so many on this forum, use so much of my limited capacity to campaign for more and better research. It continues to be a torturous journey, and I often feel that I have reached my limit of endurance, but somehow I trudge on.

 

Me too. Someone even once described me as the happiest person they know.

Even though I have multiple chronic conditions, I still feel incredibly lucky. They could have been so much worse, or I could have been one of those people who can't find joy in the most ordinary of things.

Other people often don't get it. Their failure to grasp how I can enjoy living with limiting illnesses and very little money just makes me feel more privileged that I can be genuinely happy with it!

 

I have noticed a tendency to chortle when in severe pain - this might confuse people a bit

(The tension has to be released somehow and it seems it was decided that chortling was more acceptable than screaming)

 

I've never grown out of my tendency to find anger incredibly funny. People just pull the most hilarious faces! It's one thing as an autistic kid, but a bit more embarrassing as a middle-aged, so-called professional...

 

That can also backfire in certain situations, like doctor appointments and when you're around family members who assume you're doing great. Sometimes I just want them to understand that I am disabled/sick, and that I'm not visiting at Christmas without having to explain why for the 100th time. I didn't realize this until many years later so I tweaked my 'happiness' a little, as a result family started sending me cards instead of calling me on the phone.

 

I know what you mean, but it's fairly straightforward to project a different impression for a short time if you need to.

I can't fool anyone who knows me well in any case; if I'm more unwell than usual, they spot it straight away. Don't ask me how! As long as they didn't change the key features I have to memorise in order to recognise people, such as eyebrows and teeth, they could literally gain five stone or shave off all their hair and I'd barely notice...

 

A GP I had for.a while who was fairly ME aware actually said to me, ai keep forgetting you have ME because you're so cheerful.

I dunno if it's cheerfulness or that I have a rather dark sense of humour - something that's gotten me in hot water more than once.

Yeah. There's a lot in my life I'm grateful for & I try to make the most of.... Sitting snuggled with my dog - fabulous. A hug from IM means the world. All limited by how sore I am, how quickly I need to lie down etc.

I can see that to some extent everyone's joi de vivre limited by something no matter how wealthy or healthy. It is hard when even the most basic routines of daily life have us at or beyond our limits though.

 

I do Lamaze breathing ( designed for women about to give birth) when pain is severe...this could also be confusing for observers!

 

i think because of how limiting symptoms can be we have to find joy in the smallest of things i often find myself cheered up by the many amazing people who post on this site .just because were ill does not mean we lose our sense of humour and more importantly our good will to others.

 

Your comments reflect my thoughts. Thank you for expressing them.

 

I have been told I am unwell because I am unhappy with material possessions, or the lack thereof. Apparently all I need to do is count my blessings, in this case home and hearth etc., and I will be well. What a relief to find out it is that simple!