oh and the following
"Very few of the people recommending some foul tea actually care if you get better or not, they just find being faced with the reality of mortality and suffering uncomfortable, and want to regain a sense of control by imagining that the sufferer is a wet-eyed naif, incapable, unwilling or unable to take control of their situation or to explore all available options."
needs to be emphasised to a lot of people who do this, ie what are you actually saying
that there is a bigotry under there for many, and that picking that up isn't 'being read into' if someone persists because that is their consistent message they are actually saying and choosing not to learn to update.
But... I think some fall into the trap (sadly society has fallen apart in general with etiquette being royally turned on its head in certain demographics in recent years to 'nice' being the opposite of the real meaning of that) of thinking as long as the link/mention/whatever states the illness name in it then it 'shows you are interested/thinking of someone', probably because they use the same principle of it deserving a gold star that they remembered their friend was a teacher and it showed they weren't ignoring them the whole time they talked etc.
Warning next bit is a bit of a side-note
Sadly I link much of this to the bum steer on mental health (including most of the official stuff from places we might be familiar with). where instead of (the proper research when psychology as a science was doing things more properly, where it was known that strength of support network was a big factor) focusing on the real stuff that makes people genuinely happier like developing real connections, meaningful stuff (so it might be 'helping to receive'), and providing functional support to get rid of problems eminently solveable by support but impossible when lumped onto the person, they think suggesting short-term hedonism 'boosts' (and telling people what they want to hear) to get a short-term, carefully-timed response on a questionnaire suggestions is anything other than short-term distraction.
It is stressing yourself trying to race to a crap pilates/mindfulness class in the rush hour after work before nursery pick-up, when the timeframe never fit anyway, 'for the sake of balance' or because work said you needed it instead of tackling workload or being given space to not rush etc., and telling yourself you've improved your concentration or something by it
And parents paranoid that their halloween party looks like they care to the system and neighbours etc because they are genuinely now judged on stuff like that rather than whether they can concentrate at reading time before bed and teaching them to be properly kind and not to bully etc.
That was always known as toxic nonsense. And I remember the classic people feeling lonely in a room full of other people stuff (certainly if they are being ignored and disregarded). And knowing that whilst certain people/types 'only bond over activities' (if they do at all) most used to have relationships/connections that were based on genuine communication (and that being important), before the days they believed they should encourage serious stuff like that should be discouraged unless 'being paid for'.
But I think a lot of those in charge have focused on the idea that empathy to the point of basic manners/ability to do job as intended is some sort of flaw rather than those who can't do it needing the focus/being the worry. And that being real is 'dirty washing in public' (back to the old days).
Stuff's gone generally off the rails I think. And I think it originates from/coincides with mixing up using the term 'mental health' for being a well person who wants to make sure they get in their coffees and hobbies wanting to have a term making that important (which it might be somewhat if in the case of someone ending up with 4 jobs and no money eventually breaking because life is a misery with nothing good for too long, but isn't normally the individuals citing it) with the more serious situations. 'apparently to stop the stigma' but as per it leads to lumping and dumping so you have lowest common denominator half-arsed advice based on what the more well either prefer or will give a few marks for. Noone actually knows what is being meant by the term so there is no accountability when someone cites it.
And eventually they begin to measure that 'wellness' itself based on whether someone conspicuously consumes/performs x amount of these activities they deem are in 'the right way' - rather than whether they've found things that are fulfilling and can engage - hence the cart before the horse with the whole physical health thing. SO it has now become obscure where those deemed 'most mentally well' by such measures on paper wouldn't seem to be what we would have recognised as that before recent times.
And when it becomes 'the entire suggested way of life' leads to bunches of people 'booking in coffees and trips' 'because my mental health' where they hang around with others all ignoring each other as they talk. Or doing mere small-talk. Or missing enjoying the trip itself because they spend the whole time diarising the next event. At the same time getting less and less able to concentrate on anything, particularly when its not something they personally organised or chose. One could say it is almost another sort of consumerism being sold to replace what it purports to 'fix'.
Ergo you get people who 'don't/won't see' sending a link like that different to their sending a link to a suggested trip or 'product you'd like' as any different, because they don't see how much of it is empty (or that empty is what they are feeling under all that distraction). SO they think they are saying they wish you happiness, because they've been conned down that red herring of a rabbit hole themselves.
