I hear you Sasha, i wish it were possible to know. For the first 2.5 yrs i shielded and was frankly obsessive, i wiped all my shopping, was really hyper vigilant. All my carers wore N95masks, as did i - they ate in their cars so they werent in my home without a mask.
And the risk is still the same, the most recent figures for ONS put the infection rate IIRC at roughly 1 in 50 people.
But since last yr i decided to assess based on risk/benefit. My fear is of becoming very severe and the thought is petrifying. However i take all sorts of other risks and dont think about them. Such as getting in a car - an RTA could leave me paralysed, seriously injured dead etc (although death would be a relief for me nothing to fear), bit i could be hospiitalised for a few days for some injury and end up ME getting more severe due to hospital environment.
And yet i think nothing of it.
So once i realised that covid was going to be round forever & that the measures i had then were unsustainable, i just now weigh each thing with how much benefit i will
definitely get, against how likely (roughly) it is & mitigate wherever possible.
Eg my carers no longer wear masks but they must do covid tests before each visit. My carers were getting really fed up with the masks & it was affecting their ability to be in a good mood while with me. This affects me a lot so the benefit was higher than the risk. But i make sure the windows are on the latch to allow ventilation & i have monitored which way the air flows in my home (by getting someone to put something slightly smelling in one area to see how fast i smell it. (i have a nose like a bloodhound really really storng & sensitive sense of smell), so i open the window a little more in one side of room than the other so their breath it more likely to move away from me than towards.
That may not make sense but what i mean is i have thought about ventilation & air flow.
My cleaner who spends only 1 hour here still wears an N95 & so do i. - there is no benefit (to me!) of not doing.
I wear N95 in all public places indoors and crowded places outdoors, and i dont give a hoot about the looks or comments, - which to be fair i dont get many of - i am in wheelchair pushed by carer & due to sensory overload or crashing, i am often quite cognitively impaired, so most people think i am either super vulnerable, or intellectually impaired.
The only time i take it off indoors is when i am actually in consulting room with Drs - i have a 'somatoform disorder' dx on my notes as well as CFS, and the risk to my health of whatever dr i am with thinking i am hypochondriac & not taking whatever i seeing them for seriously, or of adding to the risk of sectioning or whatever - this is scarier to me than the slight risk i might get covid/flu etc. So i just have it on in corridors/witing room & then take is off in the consult room.
Isolation was making my mental health even worse which is a concrete harm that was actually happening - weighed against a potential harm that might happen...
In addition, the flu is just as likely to cause worsening & yet pre pandemic i went everywhere i needed to, unmasked, without thinking about it.
I want to avoid it as much as i can without making my quality of life permanently significantly worse against something that might never happen.
I also let delivery drivers bring shopping in now, but i wear a mask, & i open all doors & windows while they here & for a short while after they leave (depending on how windy it is lol if its windy the air exchanges faster - but then who knows what can blow in on the breeze?
It was really scary dropping all my shileding/hygiene measures, but luckily have been ok so far.
In the absence of science saying for definite any of these things, and most you can get for authorities/medics is either propaganda or ideology or just plain nonsense, i am just trying to do what is possible, what is sustainable. I have to take off my mask at the dentist. so i go as her first appointment of the day. This is possible and worth the gross inconvenience.
Its about what feels right to you. Its a terrible choice Sasha i feel for you i really do. Its just luck with minimal control, same as getting in a vehicle - the driver can drive well but you cant control for all the variables.
The lack of certainty is hideous.
ETA sorry
@Sasha, that was an absurdly long ramble that didnt even asnwer you question - i got nothin on the science questions.