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How I Survived My Battle With Unsolicited Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Jaybee00, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Jaybee00

    Jaybee00 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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  2. Graham

    Graham Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I like the thought of replying "OMG, I hadn't thought of that: thank you so much!" to inane advice. But they know me well enough to feel the sarcasm ladled all over it.
     
  3. TiredSam

    TiredSam Moderator Staff Member

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    I think I might have the same problem.
     
  4. Little Bluestem

    Little Bluestem Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I'm not sure this is a good idea. It just encourages them to badger others with useless advice.
     
  5. Subtropical Island

    Subtropical Island Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Yes, i hate the idea of someone else being bludgeoned with me as an example of what they should do.

    ...and that sort of reply from me leads to repetition, greater detail, ...

    Sometimes i get better (=improved function). People ask me what I’ve been doing. I end up telling them literally what I have been doing differently (improved does not mean I’m always thinking clearly). I do remember to say: I really don’t know if it is connected.
    But one of the things that haunts me when I’m not doing as well is the idea that there are people out there holding me up as the example to another hapless sufferer: my friend took up mountainbiking and lived entirely on litres of milk and a large roast meal a day - and she’s cured!
    Erm... I want to set you straight about how a cluster of observations do not a cure make. Correlation causation. Chicken and egg. Devil in detail (what do I mean by mountain-biking?) ...but I’m back to bed for most of my day and rationing what I focus on.
     
  6. Subtropical Island

    Subtropical Island Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I prefer the: make the conversation about them approach.
    (Works well for most people. And improves your relationship.
    ...but did go wrong with someone who had just accepted a diagnosis of anxiety - and decided that anyone who isn’t thriving must too).

    When there is any energy. Otherwise it’s change the subject: ooo look!

    What I have done is list everything I -have- tried (does help with some people, but makes others more keen to find more permutations) and refer them to husband (apparently he’s a more reliable source because he’s not ill).

    Honestly, I doubt we can change any of this in others: if you’re well and have always been well you think you are an expert on wellness. Ditto fitness. The only really reliable way to change that belief is to fully experience insurmountable illness in your own body. Maybe not a nice thing to wish on someone else.
     
  7. hellytheelephant

    hellytheelephant Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I always shut the conversation down: ' Thanks for that.' Then change the topic. If they persist ( try to give me names of therapists etc), I just say: ' Well I am sticking to what my doctor has advised me.' Again change the subject. ( it has taken me nearly 30 years to get the confidence to do this!)

    I don't feel obliged to give reasons or go into details. Actions speak louder than words.
     

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