How can I persuade my dad to get a stairlift?

Discussion in 'Home adaptations, mobility and personal care' started by Sarah94, Jul 25, 2019.

  1. Sarah94

    Sarah94 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I have severe ME. I live with my parents. My mum is my principal carer. Mum and I want to get a stairlift. But Dad refuses because (a) it would spoil his aesthetic for the house, and (b) he thinks it would discourage me to try to use the stairs myself. I've only been up and down the stairs a handful of times in the past year, and most of them were with my mum's assistance (which isn't always available as she is often out), and the ones without assistance crashed me afterwards.
    How can I persuade him?
    He's the type of person with which an "appeal to authority" would be the most likely approach to work. Like if I could show him a scientific paper saying that stairlifts are a good idea for severe ME sufferers.
    He is a very difficult person to persuade of things. Especially when it comes to the house, which he is extremely 'precious' about.
     
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  2. WillowJ

    WillowJ Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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  3. Sarah94

    Sarah94 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Unlikely as it's a US website and so my dad won't see it as an authority as we're British and he thinks Britain is better than America (yes, he is that sort of person, sadly).
     
  4. WillowJ

    WillowJ Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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  5. Milo

    Milo Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Hello @Sarah94 a stairlift would be a great improvement in your quality of life if you are stuck upstairs 99% of the time. I am sorry you need to persuade a parent that it is needed. I am not sure how you can do that, but i’d start with birthday and Christmas wishes. Perhaps contacting a stairlift company and enquiring about camouflaging it so it is not highly visible, and research how difficult it would be to restore the house should you not need it anymore. They may have suggestions on color and type. Then you could try convincing your mom first, who could help convincing your dad. One argument could be that they are getting older, and carrying/supporting you will become less of an option.
    I hope this helps. Good luck!
     
  6. NelliePledge

    NelliePledge Moderator Staff Member

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    ideally this is what an OT could be helping with. Finding a supportive NHS one being the issue of course. I’m sure I’ve seen people mentioning having private OT if that’s a possibility but still needs to be supportive. Is there a local support group you could ask for advice from.
     
  7. Simbindi

    Simbindi Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Would it be worth getting your mum onboard applying for a Disabled Facilities Grant for their house to better meet your needs. This involves a council led OT assessment (the initial assessment is free). She could leave involving your dad until after having the OT assessment/report as there is no obligation to proceed with any recommendations.

    See for example:

    https://dls.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Disabled_Facilities_Grants_Large_Print.pdf

    You will need to look at your own council's website to find out how it operates in your area as local authorities have a certain amount of freedom in how they run the scheme.

    Edit: As your main carer, your mum should emphasise that without a stairlift (plus any other helpful adaptations/equipment) she may need to apply for help for your care via Social Care. This obviously would cost the council money, so it may help in giving you a more favourable OT assessment (overall costs to the council are definitely considered as part of the assessment).

    Edit 2: Having thought a bit more about this, the OT assessment has to be done before the formal grant application as the council will nearly always follow the advice of the OT in what they grant. Your mum can explain to your dad that the OT assessment is about 'exploring options' rather than saying it is specifically about getting a stairlift. Hopefully, this would mean he wouldn't feel offended or that you and your mum are going behind his back.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2019
  8. Sarah94

    Sarah94 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    This is a very good idea, thanks
     
  9. Amw66

    Amw66 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Future proofs your home - you are not the only one who may use it.

    Promotes independence and underpins potential for improvement for you - the avoidance of PEM may help you even out a activity and actually achieve more in the long run
     
  10. Sarah94

    Sarah94 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    I think this explanation doesn't work with him because my PEM is not something that can be proved to him, it's just what I report. Also I suspect he cares more about what the house looks like than about my quality of life, anyway.
     
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  11. Amw66

    Amw66 Senior Member (Voting Rights)

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    Sorry to hear this @Sarah94 . We had a close relative who was entirely disbelieving until they watched Unrest. ( it is a good advocacy film for general public)

    That said they now feel awkward and don't engage much.
     
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